All I have to say is...3 weeks. In that short amount of time, I will be leaving this beautiful place I've called home for the summer. While I am expectantly awaiting the day I will drive Petunia out of the mountains, there is no doubt it will be a bittersweet feeling. It has definitely been a struggle to be in the present...
Leaving is not the only bittersweet idea consuming my thoughts this week. This week in particular marks a year since I rode a horse out of the arena at the Palomino World Championship Horse Show. As the World Show roles around once again, a wide variety of emotions begin to surface. Some days I long to be on a horse so badly I can hardly stand it, but I quickly draw back at the thought of the deep seeds of pride and success so deeply wound around my heart during that time. A year ago the Lord told me to check my priorities. That's when I realized I had made winning an idol. Honestly, I soaked up the rewards that accompanied showing horses--feelings of accomplishment and prestige. This week has been a time to step back and reflect on the journey the Lord has taken me on in the past year...I kind of feel like journey might be an understatement. Maybe "odyssey"* would be more appropriate?
I've been apathetic, and I've been sensitive. I've been broken in certain areas and healed in others. I've learned how to hurt, and I've learned how to forgive. At moments, I've been completely filled with joy. At moments, I've been completely overcome by loneliness and depression. I've feared for the future. I've rejoiced in His promises. I've been proud. I've been humbled. I've been bitter at the Lord, and I've wept in desperation for Him.
Around this time last year, I got an image of this painting. Initially a white canvas was presented. Paint of various colors began to pollute the emptiness--strokes and splatters in seemingly random chaos. Each stroke looked grotesque as the colors began to clash against one another, fighting to distract the eye. After several strokes, however, the colors began to compliment each other in an oddly unforeseen way. Finally, after taking a step back the masterpiece that existed before me was exquisite. I couldn't believe that something so intricately beautiful had come from a once bare canvas.
In the past year, the Lord has been doing His fair share of "polluting" on the canvas of my heart. So, even though this week has brought up emotionally delicate memories, He has reminded me of the masterpiece He's continually working on. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us a new in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Eph. 2:10)
Some pics for the week...
Nathan, me, Kat, and Kyle enjoying a day off in Boulder.
Me and Sawyu before she left for Thailand.
Beautiful sunrise at Mountainside.
*odyssey: a long and eventful journey; a ridiculously legit homegroup (ironic much?)
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