Things have been a little hectic recently. I'm attempting to pack up everything to move, while also attempting to pack for my upcoming trip to Nigeria. I included this picture of the current state of my room to prove a little of the chaos. More than that, I feel like my room pretty much illustrates what I've been feeling recently...unprepared.
In less than two days I will be leaving for Nigeria. It seems a little surreal considering I've now been praying about this trip for almost a year now. It's finally here, and...I feel unprepared. Confusing, right? My instinct tells me that I should be beyond ready for this trip after all this time thinking, praying, learning, and training. About three weeks ago, I experienced some puzzling emotions towards the trip to Nigeria. Why exactly am I going again? What good am I going to do there? Especially in this place of complacency, I have nothing to offer. I felt the Lord calling me to a time of fasting and prayer. I thought, "This will be great, the Lord will show me exactly what I need to be prepared...maybe he'll make some sense of this."
He did make sense of things.
During those three weeks, the Lord revealed to me that I'm right where he wants me...unprepared. I felt like he asked me Jordan, will you allow me to use you? Will you be bold for me? Will you speak when I ask you to? Prayer when I ask you to? And that's when it began to make sense. Preparation comes in my willingness to be obedient. Will I go places he asks me to? Will I open my mouth to speak a word of encouragement to someone? Will I act on that feeling that someone needs prayer? Will I obey? He is going to use me if I act in simple obedience (whether I'm prepared or not). After all, he can use me much more in my weakness than in my independence and overconfidence.
As I was discussing the glory of the Lord with a friend, the Lord reminded me of Lazarus being raised from the dead (John 11). Jesus definitely had the power to heal Lazarus when he became sick, but how much more glory does raising a man from the dead bring the Father? Jesus even turns to Martha at one point and says, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?" The choice is simple: be willing in weakness. He will provide the rest (and glorify himself in the process!).
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