Well, I started my last work week Friday. As I'm trying to hangout with as many people as possible before we go back to our respective campuses, I'm reminded that this is "getting real". Soon, several of the people I've been living with and working with everyday for the past 3 months will not be returning to Texas with me. I knew it was bound to happen, but it's just becoming more and more undeniable. I think I am in a slight state of denial though. I'm sure as I drive out of the mountains for the last time this summer in 7 days, it will hit me...
This week has been pretty difficult. A couple insecurities have crept into my thoughts as I'm attempting to stay focused on keeping a positive attitude about being here. I've been writing for a couple weeks about my struggles with being present, but I think I've about hit a breaking point. I feel exhausted from being here (spiritually and physically). It should be no surprise to me that in a place of weakness, I'm vulnerable to attack. But, for some reason it took me a little by surprise. I quickly turned to self-condemning thoughts--telling myself that I've already accepted freedom from these things. While this is completely true, the enemy loves to twist even the acceptance of freedom.
However, this week was not difficult for negative reasons alone.
Several weeks ago I had mentioned that a couple relationships with different people had been put on my heart. I had written, "I'm afraid to go deeper in complete fear that doing so would be neither received or appreciated." Well, the Lord pretty clearly labeled that statement as a lie this week. This week the Lord gave me a renewed hope for those relationships. It doesn't mean the strengthening process is easy---it never is. At first, I experienced every single type of emotion when thinking about these relationships. However, through processing with the Lord's help, I've been able to see the bigger picture of what he's doing. Things are being pieced together, and it's a beautiful picture. I truly trust the Lord now. I can see how he's already bringing restoration to these areas, and it is so so sweet.
My awesome project group after we bought these lovely clothes for each other from a thrift store.
My precious lifegroup (Tierra, Alaina, and Jessie).
Some of the International students I've met this summer.
During the making of our Avengers-themed project group video.
This week has been pretty difficult. A couple insecurities have crept into my thoughts as I'm attempting to stay focused on keeping a positive attitude about being here. I've been writing for a couple weeks about my struggles with being present, but I think I've about hit a breaking point. I feel exhausted from being here (spiritually and physically). It should be no surprise to me that in a place of weakness, I'm vulnerable to attack. But, for some reason it took me a little by surprise. I quickly turned to self-condemning thoughts--telling myself that I've already accepted freedom from these things. While this is completely true, the enemy loves to twist even the acceptance of freedom.
However, this week was not difficult for negative reasons alone.
Several weeks ago I had mentioned that a couple relationships with different people had been put on my heart. I had written, "I'm afraid to go deeper in complete fear that doing so would be neither received or appreciated." Well, the Lord pretty clearly labeled that statement as a lie this week. This week the Lord gave me a renewed hope for those relationships. It doesn't mean the strengthening process is easy---it never is. At first, I experienced every single type of emotion when thinking about these relationships. However, through processing with the Lord's help, I've been able to see the bigger picture of what he's doing. Things are being pieced together, and it's a beautiful picture. I truly trust the Lord now. I can see how he's already bringing restoration to these areas, and it is so so sweet.
Some pics from this week:
