These past couple of weeks have been incredibly busy. The semester is finishing up soon, and every single professor is trying to cram one more exam or project in before finals week. So, yes I've been a little stressed out. My time has been spread very thin. As a result, my time with Jesus has been pretty much non-existent. In the few times I have gotten to spend with him over the past couple weeks, my mind is either preoccupied or distracted.
This morning I came to Jesus weak. I came to him with nothing to offer. I sat on the floor in my room just half expecting him to just instantly fill me up again. Almost like an energy booster--a quick fix. As I was sitting there, these words kept coming to me:
"My desire is for you."
I began praying with "Yes Lord, my desire is for you. I want that desire back. I want more of you." I kept praying, just expressing my need for Jesus again. In this desperate instance, the words came again. This time I heard: "No you're not getting it Jordan. My desire is for YOU."
God, I want to learn how to accept your love. So often I forget about your love for me. I've gotten so caught up in my own life and even condemning myself for not desiring you more. This whole time you have been pouring out yourself to me, and I've been completely oblivious. I'm sorry. God, I feel like I've been running in circles. Tie me down. Tether me to your heart again. Right now I'm running around, but I can't slow down enough to understand even the direction I'm going.
"I’m so forgetful, but You always remind me
You’re the only one who brings me peace
You’re the only one who brings me peace
So I come, Lord I come I come, Lord I come
To tell you I love you
To tell you I need you
To tell you there’s no better place for me than in your arms
To tell you I’m sorry
For running in circles
For placing my focus on the waves,not on your face."