Yesterday morning as I sat down at the Divine Experiment, I felt very empty. I felt disconnected from God. I was even starting to have doubts about my relationship with Jesus. If he loved me as much as he says he does, why wouldn't I feel loved? As I kind of started processing through why I would be feeling this way, I figured it out...
Jesus is a dangerous lover.
Take a look at his reaction in the temple:
"..And he entered the temple and began to drive out those who sold and those who bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons...'Is it not written, My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations? But you have made it a den of robbers.' And the chief priests and the scribes heard it and were seeking a way to destroy him, for they feared him, because all the crowd was astonished at his teaching." (Mark 11: 15-18)
This gives me a little different picture of Jesus than just the picturesque and beaming image we so often paint for ourselves. He is a dangerous lover. He is wild.
I have reduced the value of my relationship with Jesus. Recently, I've been so enveloped in the loving side of Jesus that I lost sight of Jesus' adventurous side. I've stuck myself in a comfortable place, a complacent place in our relationship. As long as he's the one pursuing and wooing me then it's all good...nope, not really. It has been all about what I can get from him. What came to mind when I thought about this is one of those incredibly clingy couples you see at the mall or maybe the movies. I don't want to be the one simply clinging onto Jesus in hope of bettering my spirituality. Don't get me wrong, we are supposed to cling to Jesus, but not in a hollow, meaningless way. This is a two-sided romance we have been called into. What happened to the admiration, respect, and even fear I once felt with Jesus?
He is begging to take me into the wild, but I'm convinced a stroll in the park on a sunny afternoon is REALLY what I need. Wrong. Jesus is ready to take me deeper into the mystery before me, but some how my heels are dug deep into the dirt like a stubborn child. I confess I'm stubborn. I like being comfortable, and I'm sure most of you do too. However, in the wild, in the midst of our vulnerability is where we truly meet with our lover. He is so incredibly patient with me as I drag him into my life. It's like I'm trying to show him off to society...hey look who I'm in a relationship with! Yes, it's great to be public about your relationship with him, but I think I've lost sight of exactly who is on the other side. There is so much more depth behind the romance. It's not just some fling that we indulge in for a short time period and carelessly move on. This is Jesus we are talking about. He fights for me because I'm his beloved. How am I not in awe of this concept? He fights for me? Yes, over and over again. While I've been so busy disregarding this side of his personality and masking it with warmth and fuzziness, he remains patiently waiting. Everything is packed and ready, but distrust sneaks over me. He assuredly takes my shaking hand in his and says "let's go."
Wow, so well put!!! Awesome stuff!
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