Blinded

As I was reading through Acts this past week, I couldn't get this passage out of my mind. Take a look at Acts 9. Right before this chapter we find out that Saul has basically been beating down people's doors and dragging them off to prison just for believing in Jesus. In chapter 9 he decides to continue onward to Damascus in pursuit of a similar goal. At this point, Saul's biggest concern and probably most prevalent thing on his mind is persecuting the name of Christ.  However, little does he know, the name of Christ is the very thing that will soon shatter all other indulgences. He will soon become wrecked by Jesus and indulge in his beauty alone. Out of fear, Saul crumples to the ground and timidly asks, "Who are you Lord?" After this interaction Saul opens his eyes, but he sees nothing. He has been blinded by the very luminescence of the Lord.

Recently, I've been asking that very same question myself. Who are you Lord? Honestly, I felt like I had kind of lost sight of who Jesus is. With that, came an avoidance of really calling on his name. However, the Lord definitely answered that prayer this last week by revealing his role in this passage. The Lord temporarily blinded Saul, forcing the once prideful and seemingly supreme man to fall to the ground in humility and absolute fear. What does this have to do with me? Unfortunately, I was not physically blinded by the presence of God. However, the Lord magnetized my attention to him in a different way. This past Friday morning at AMP (A.M. Prayer) a lot of the set was focused on how truly worthy Jesus is of worship. We sang through lyrics about the beauty of Jesus, the glory of Jesus, and his incredible worth. In the middle of that set, it hit me. Everything else became irrelevant, as every word that left my lips became the absolute desires of my longing heart for my King. All I wanted was Jesus, nothing else could satisfy. I was rightly blinded by love for him. I fell in love with Jesus again. 

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Post LT Depression?

LT-life: beautiful Estes Park, Colorado, prayer, deep conversations, worship, Jesus, restoration, healing, community, and woodland creatures.

Post-LT life: humid College Station, TX, exhausting, Calculus, Physics, Statistics, tutoring, homework, reading, and Google Calendar.

If you are reading this you are probably thinking to yourself, "Yep, that's definitely post-LT depression." And I would happen to agree with you...to an extent. The sad reality is that, yes, eventually all of my friends from other universities would have to return to their respective states and carry on with life. I would be lying to say that I don't truly miss my friends, but being back in the "real world" has forced me to integrate my experiences at LT into the craziness of life in C-Stat. While College Station is absolutely nothing like the beautiful scenery of the Rocky Mountain National Park, I'm beginning to appreciate it for its own unique beauty--a beauty that exists past the tan concrete buildings and oak trees that populate the campus. (I'll get back to that in a minute.)

My first week of class was not what I really had in mind. I found myself going in and out of minor panic attacks during class when the professor would ask if there was anyone who wasn't an engineering major in the room. Me and a few others would timidly raise our hands. Obviously I'm the odd one out, which left me questioning. Am I smart enough to be in these classes? Is this all really worth it? More importantly, is this the track the Lord wants me on? Outside of class, I took a job as a math tutor in Peer Academic Services. So with work and class combined, I'm stuck on campus for most of the day. Add homegroup responsibilities on top of that, and that creates one stressed out college student.

However, I did say that I'm learning to appreciate the beauty of where I'm at. If you read any of my blog from this summer, you've probably heard me talk about a passion for the lost stirring in my heart. Well, nothing new there. It's still a stirrin'. What is new is how it's affecting my life at A&M. Prior to this summer, I sat in my classes (like most students do) and never as much as looked in the direction of the individuals sitting 4" away from me on either side. Prior to this summer, I was under the assumption that the majority of students at A&M were Christ-following disciples. Prior to this summer, I believed that all international students wanted nothing to do with Americans. However, I've learned that, yes, humans do like to interact with other humans (shocker!). Everyone likes to feel cared about and paid attention to. So, long story short, this summer has completely changed my perspective of how I view the campus of Texas A&M University. I'm beginning to understand that God is a much bigger part of the "college experience" than I had ever imagined.

As for feeling overwhelmed already, that's a lack of trust on my part. I still feel pretty strongly that the Lord is calling me to be a high school educator, so I'm kind of required to accept the challenge of the courses that seem like too much. I've realized, after this week, that this semester is going to take a lot of dependency on the Lord.  I have a gut feeling that he's planning on growing me in that area even more than he has in the last 3 months.

So...post-LT depression? Maybe a little, but I'm beginning to see the beauty of where the Lord has me.

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