LT (Week 4)

I've come to the realization that this week has been quite disconnected and confusing for me. In addition to this blog, I write a lot in my journal which serves as a safe place for me to just exhale all of my thoughts. Today, I went back to look at this week's entries and realized that I had typed almost 2500 words. So, I attempted to comb through the chaos and here's what I came up with...

NUMERO UNO:

One thing that came up at the beginning of the week was true femininity and beauty. If you are a woman reading this, then I'm sure this topic is nothing new to you--it seems to just be a reoccurring theme. Nevertheless, I seemed to be caught off guard that the familiar topic came up this week, but I think the Lord brought it up for a reason. So, I'll begin with a confession...I tend to people watch a lot. I like to observe how people interact with each other and in different scenarios. For some reason, ultra-feminine girls* stuck out like clear flashing lights in the rather hazy and routine environment. Ever since high school, I've struggled with seeing this type of girl as weak. Observing this, I started questioning what true beauty is. Who is to define it?  Lord, all I want is to be a strong, devoted woman after your heart alone. To what extent should I take part in these type of actions or discussions? How much should a godly woman embrace femininity, and what is pleasing to you? 

NUMERO DOS: 

As part of the LT program, I was required to read Chapter 1 of A.W. Tozer's "The Pursuit of God." While I was reading, my heart was stirred. God reminded me of the importance of seeking his presence. I pursue God because he created me that way. He put the desire within me because I was created as his lover. Because of this I can't take any credit for my pursuit of him. His presence is not something I just have to accept, but I have to strive for. However, "all the time we are pursuing him, we are already in his hand...he waits to be wanted." In order to make himself known to us, he draws close to human personality and feels similarly to humans.  He promises to not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly—Psalms 84:11. As I read, I was reminded of the song by Matt Gilman “As the Deer” (listen to it below!). In this song, the lyrics to the bridge are…I set my heart on a pilgrimage, through the valley of weeping I will go. I set my heart on a pilgrimage until I appear before God in Zion. This served as an incredible reminder. In that pilgrimage I know there will be testing and trials (the valley of weeping), but he doesn't withhold himself even within those times. While pursuit of God can be hard, after all the trials and junk, his presence becomes so much sweeter.

Matt Gilman "As the Deer" (OneThing 2012) 

NUMERO TRES:

Also as part of LT, our project group attended the Sonlife workshop, "The Everyday Commandment" put on by John Drage. I think one of the things that I hadn’t realized is how incredibly important love is. Loving God cannot be separated from loving people. The seminar really awakened my heart and desire to share the gospel. I’ve “known” the importance of sharing the gospel, but this time it became personal. One of the questions John Drage asked was “What do you want more than anything else in the world?” I want affirmation that I’m doing what the Lord wants for me. I’m so afraid that I’m making up his “calling” in my head. God, I want to know that you’ve purposed me for what I am doing or planning to do. A couple of the people in my project group discussed this question during the lunch break. After lunch, the last session really stirred my heart for missions. It made me realize that even though I don’t feel equipped to go or share, the Lord is going to equip me and provide everything I need to share! It was really sweet how quickly he even provided that realization and confirmation of this desire!  

Like I said, this week has been crazy. My thoughts and emotions have been all over the place, so there's not really a major "lesson" for the week, but rather several. I'm still attempting to piece them together and sort out what associates with what, but I know one thing for sure. The Lord is growing me and bringing up desire for him in ways I never would have imagined. 

Photo of the week: 

Just hanging out on top of a boulder. 

Enjoying some Hayley's Ice Cream in Estes. 

*By this I mean acting and talking about all things "girly" including, but not limited to: boys, shoes, clothes, shopping, make-up, pinterest, and every baby animal in existence...

Categories: beauty, Colorado LT, evangelism, Lord's presence, Pursuit of God