Find a Friend

What is friendship? Simply enough, it is the state of being friends.

What makes a friend? Being attached by feelings or affections and being a supporter of someone.

According to the dictionary. 



Thinking about my own friendships, I feel like there is definitely more to this definition.

When entering into a friendship you usually begin with talking, right? Or maybe you begin with attempting to gather information about this person by "browsing" their social media profiles. But, in the end you still don't really know them...you know about them. (Remember: talking, not stalking.) And again, you can't just stand next to someone with your lips clamped shut and automatically understand their whole life story by way of social osmosis.

You can, however, invest in beginning a friendship by setting apart time to hear their story from the beginning. This goes deeper though. You don't just hear a good story, you hear how it has affected them, how they've been shaped by it, what has hindered growth, what has ignited growth. As you pursue friendship, you begin to pick up on what they like and dislike, what moves their heart and what hurts it. You begin to understand their quirks, sense of humor, habits, and tendencies. You begin to know their heart, not just know about their person.

This past week I was both challenged and encouraged by a teaching on friendship with Jesus. Friendship was described in the following way: 

Think of one of your dearest friends. You spend time laughing and crying with each other. You can sit completely silent in their presence or engage in deep conversation that stirs you. Most would say they would "take a bullet" for this friend. However, when we look at our friendship with the Lord, would we really take a bullet for him? Some say in a moment that, yes, they would in fact face death for Jesus. Is this what we actually believe, or is it what we want to believe? Do we really know Jesus well enough to "take a bullet" for him? When it actually came to that vital moment, would we follow through?

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends...No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends...You do no choose me, but I chose you..." -Jesus 

I'm not sure how many times I've read through these verses in John, but I do know that I seemed to miss Jesus' beautiful invitation to commune with him in friendship. Yes, Jesus is the ultimate friend who laid down his life for us, but what role do we play? After all, friendship isn't a one-sided phenomenon. We play the role of just that, a friend. 

We begin by sitting at his feet and hearing his story again, but maybe this time hearing it with a heart pursuing friendship, not knowledge. Maybe this time we hear it as told by the Son of Man, who actually walked the same earth on which we sit, in awe of the fact that he chooses to call us friends.  Maybe this time we will allow ourselves to be stirred as he shares about his love for his friends from every tongue, tribe, and nation. Maybe we will begin to partner with his heart for his billions of friends that don't yet call him friend. And, maybe this time we will be humbled by his perfect example of friendship and shift our eyes to the beauty of who he really is, finding a friend in him. Maybe, he will find a friend in us. 

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"Overwhelmed is My Soul"

Broken was my name. 
Ashamed was my identity. 
Pride was my excuse. 
Weakness was my reasoning. 
Empty was my soul. 

But then, then you broke through. 

Brokenness became my offering. 
Shame became detached. 
Pride became humbled at your feet. 
Weakness became confidence in your promises. 
Satisfied became my soul. 

And now, now I know. 

Chosen is my name. 
Redeemed is my identity.
You are my excuse. 
Your steadfast love is my reasoning. 
Overwhelmed is my soul. 

Thank you, Jesus. 

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Blinded

As I was reading through Acts this past week, I couldn't get this passage out of my mind. Take a look at Acts 9. Right before this chapter we find out that Saul has basically been beating down people's doors and dragging them off to prison just for believing in Jesus. In chapter 9 he decides to continue onward to Damascus in pursuit of a similar goal. At this point, Saul's biggest concern and probably most prevalent thing on his mind is persecuting the name of Christ.  However, little does he know, the name of Christ is the very thing that will soon shatter all other indulgences. He will soon become wrecked by Jesus and indulge in his beauty alone. Out of fear, Saul crumples to the ground and timidly asks, "Who are you Lord?" After this interaction Saul opens his eyes, but he sees nothing. He has been blinded by the very luminescence of the Lord.

Recently, I've been asking that very same question myself. Who are you Lord? Honestly, I felt like I had kind of lost sight of who Jesus is. With that, came an avoidance of really calling on his name. However, the Lord definitely answered that prayer this last week by revealing his role in this passage. The Lord temporarily blinded Saul, forcing the once prideful and seemingly supreme man to fall to the ground in humility and absolute fear. What does this have to do with me? Unfortunately, I was not physically blinded by the presence of God. However, the Lord magnetized my attention to him in a different way. This past Friday morning at AMP (A.M. Prayer) a lot of the set was focused on how truly worthy Jesus is of worship. We sang through lyrics about the beauty of Jesus, the glory of Jesus, and his incredible worth. In the middle of that set, it hit me. Everything else became irrelevant, as every word that left my lips became the absolute desires of my longing heart for my King. All I wanted was Jesus, nothing else could satisfy. I was rightly blinded by love for him. I fell in love with Jesus again. 

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Why Me?

I know I haven't posted in a while, but Christmas break was VERY busy! I was blessed with great time with my family and friends, an awesome first experience at the OneThing Conference, and a fun-filled trip to Estes Park, CO. However, I'm mainly going to be focusing on the OneThing Conference.

For a while now I've been following the 24/7 prayer room at IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City, but had never actually been. I had heard about OneThing (IHOP's winter conference), but for one reason or another I kept making excuses why I couldn't go. This year I decided that it was going to happen!! We got a small group together from our church and all met up there. 

 Recently, I had been feeling absent-minded in worship--like I was just going through the motions. Having experienced this place before, I'm aware of its effects. I knew I didn't want to fall into that again. Prior to the conference, I began praying for God to really stir my heart in worship again and to literally feel his presence. 

So, here's my experience...

Walking into the first worship session of the conference was completely overwhelming. As we were walking to our seats I was able to take in what 20,000+ people worshipping looked like. Scanning the audience, I could see people praying, singing, kneeling, laying, and dancing. Later that night, we came back for the evening worship session. I began praying for my heart to be inviting of his presence. I wanted to be real with myself and God--to genuinely sing praises, not empty words. Here's part of a journal entry I wrote on my experience that night:

"I felt your presence so clearly...I kept getting floods over my stomach...a warm sensation, yet cool at the same time. The waves happened several times...that was the first time I had truly experienced your presence...catching a glimpse of your heart and intentions for worship..."

During that time I also had a picture of my wedding day. I remember seeing myself standing at the end of the aisle preparing to walk to the altar, but I felt completely ashamed. My dress was tattered and torn, leaving my eyes fixed to the floor with feelings of unworthiness flooding over me. As I looked up towards the altar, I saw Jesus. He looked back at me with a radiant smile. He was beaming at the sight of me, even to the point of tears. I couldn't understand it. Why me? What is there to love about me? 

The next morning at the conference I felt extremely anxious. I decided to go down to the prayer room and journal--attempting to process through what was going on. As I began writing I realized I was feeling this way about the picture I had gotten the night before. Why me? What is there to love about me? Frantically flipping through my Bible, I found several verses stating Jesus' love for us. However, none of them answered the question why? 

I still don't fully understand why Jesus chooses to love us, but here are some conclusions I've come to since that day at the conference:

1) Jesus loves me because I was created for him. I was created as his bride. My purpose is being his lover. Just like a marriage, he desires me as a husband does. As the bride, I am pursued and adored by him. 

2) Before Jesus, God could not have a relationship with us because of our sin. His way to get rid of our sin was to send Jesus to die for us. "Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit" (1 Peter 3:18). 

I'm continuing to pray for more understanding of Jesus' love for me, but like I said before, I don't know if I will ever fully be able to comprehend it. His love is said to be boundless, indescribable, and limitless. Just thinking about those words humbles my heart towards him! 

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The Wild

Yesterday morning as I sat down at the Divine Experiment, I felt very empty. I felt disconnected from God. I was even starting to have doubts about my relationship with Jesus. If he loved me as much as he says he does, why wouldn't I feel loved? As I kind of started processing through why I would be feeling this way, I figured it out...

Jesus is a dangerous lover.

Take a look at his reaction in the temple:

"..And he entered the temple and began to drive out those who sold and those who bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons...'Is it not written, My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations? But you have made it a den of robbers.' And the chief priests and the scribes heard it and were seeking a way to destroy him, for they feared him, because all the crowd was astonished at his teaching." (Mark 11: 15-18)

This gives me a little different picture of Jesus than just the picturesque and beaming image we so often paint for ourselves. He is a dangerous lover. He is wild.

I have reduced the value of my relationship with Jesus. Recently, I've been so enveloped in the loving side of Jesus that I lost sight of Jesus' adventurous side. I've stuck myself in a comfortable place, a complacent place in our relationship. As long as he's the one pursuing and wooing me then it's all good...nope, not really. It has been all about what I can get from him.  What came to mind when I thought about this is one of those incredibly clingy couples you see at the mall or maybe the movies. I don't want to be the one simply clinging onto Jesus in hope of bettering my spirituality. Don't get me wrong, we are supposed to cling to Jesus, but not in a hollow, meaningless way. This is a two-sided romance we have been called into. What happened to the admiration, respect, and even fear I once felt with Jesus?

He is begging to take me into the wild, but I'm convinced a stroll in the park on a sunny afternoon is REALLY what I need. Wrong. Jesus is ready to take me deeper into the mystery before me, but some how my heels are dug deep into the dirt like a stubborn child. I confess I'm stubborn. I like being comfortable, and I'm sure most of you do too. However, in the wild, in the midst of our vulnerability is where we truly meet with our lover. He is so incredibly patient with me as I drag him into my life. It's like I'm trying to show him off to society...hey look who I'm in a relationship with! Yes, it's great to be public about your relationship with him, but I think I've lost sight of exactly who is on the other side. There is so much more depth behind the romance. It's not just some fling that we indulge in for a short time period and carelessly move on. This is Jesus we are talking about. He fights for me because I'm his beloved. How am I not in awe of this concept? He fights for me? Yes, over and over again. While I've been so busy disregarding this side of his personality and masking it with warmth and fuzziness, he remains patiently waiting. Everything is packed and ready, but distrust sneaks over me. He assuredly takes my shaking hand in his and says "let's go." 

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