LT (Week 9)

All I have to say is...3 weeks. In that short amount of time, I will be leaving this beautiful place I've called home for the summer. While I am expectantly awaiting the day I will drive Petunia out of the mountains, there is no doubt it will be a bittersweet feeling. It has definitely been a struggle to be in the present...

Leaving is not the only bittersweet idea consuming my thoughts this week. This week in particular marks a year since I rode a horse out of the arena at the Palomino World Championship Horse Show. As the World Show roles around once again, a wide variety of emotions begin to surface. Some days I long to be on a horse so badly I can hardly stand it, but I quickly draw back at the thought of the deep seeds of pride and success so deeply wound around my heart during that time. A year ago the Lord told me to check my priorities. That's when I realized I had made winning an idol. Honestly, I soaked up the rewards that accompanied showing horses--feelings of accomplishment and prestige. This week has been a time to step back and reflect on the journey the Lord has taken me on in the past year...I kind of feel like journey might be an understatement. Maybe "odyssey"* would be more appropriate?  

I've been apathetic, and I've been sensitive. I've been broken in certain areas and healed in others. I've learned how to hurt, and I've learned how to forgive. At moments, I've been completely filled with joy. At moments, I've been completely overcome by loneliness and depression. I've feared for the future. I've rejoiced in His promises.  I've been proud. I've been humbled. I've been bitter at the Lord, and I've wept in desperation for Him. 

Around this time last year, I got an image of this painting. Initially a white canvas was presented. Paint of various colors began to pollute the emptiness--strokes and splatters in seemingly random chaos. Each stroke looked grotesque as the colors began to clash against one another, fighting to distract the eye. After several strokes, however, the colors began to compliment each other in an oddly unforeseen way.  Finally, after taking a step back the masterpiece that existed before me was exquisite. I couldn't believe that something so intricately beautiful had come from a once bare canvas. 

In the past year, the Lord has been doing His fair share of "polluting" on the canvas of my heart. So, even though this week has brought up emotionally delicate memories, He has reminded me of the masterpiece He's continually working on. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us a new in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Eph. 2:10)

Some pics for the week...

Nathan, me, Kat, and Kyle enjoying a day off in Boulder. 

Me and Sawyu before she left for Thailand. 

Beautiful sunrise at Mountainside.

*odyssey: a long and eventful journey; a ridiculously legit homegroup (ironic much?) 

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LT (Week 2)

I'm exhausted. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Who knew housekeeping could be so tiring? This is definitely a little bit different experience then running around with middle-school aged campers all day during the summer. However, I think I'm finally starting to adjust a little. 

We got to meet our project groups this week!! We've already had some pretty fun times together. I'm really looking forward to seeing where God takes our friendships this summer. 

As far as my week goes spiritually though...it has been pretty rough. 

Thursday I went hiking with a couple of friends in Rocky Mountain National Park. Once we got to the summit of the mountain, we spread out and had some time alone. After a while we got together and spent some time praying over our summers and soaking in God's beautiful creation before us. As we were praying, I got this picture: there was a really wide, long tunnel and the scene that was in front of us (the mountains) was painted like a moral around the tunnel (top, bottom, and sides). As soon as I got to the entrance, I started going through the tunnel. I went faster and faster as the tunnel grew tighter and darker. Finally, at the end in complete darkness, there was a radiant heart just sitting there. I’m not sure what this means. What I got from it was God saying, “you think the mountains are beautiful, but YOU are my magnificent creation. No mountain could surpass how beautifully I have created you.” 

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

In this moment, I was in complete awe of God. For some reason I felt safe in the mountain. In order to hike up a mountain, one might experience pain, fear, and lack of security mixed with excitement, adrenaline, and awe. In a way, it was like the Lord was telling me that there was safety in the trials I'm going through no matter how unsure I feel in the moment. 

Later that day a couple situations sparked feelings of bitterness, pride, and even inadequacy (I know that's quite the range of emotions). It seemed that other situations only confirmed the feelings. At first the lies came quietly, but by the time I sat down in the LT worship service that night, I was at my lowest. I can honestly say, I've never felt as broken as I have that night. It was like I was backed into a corner, tied down, and beaten with lie after lie. In this moment, for the first time I experienced what it is like to be completely desperate for the Lord. I've never felt so weak in my life. Through this experience the Lord showed me a glimpse of what it means to be poor in spirit. As a result, I feel incredibly humbled in the Lord's presence. Yes, the junk I'm going through right now hurts, but I'm experiencing growing pains just like a child. 

Things the Lord has been teaching me this week: 

-poverty of spirit

-what it means to be desperate for him

-humility 

Some Pics from the Week: 

My project group's human pyramid for 
the photo scavenger hunt. 

Our awkward family photo. 

Nathan, Kyle, and I hiking Deer Mountain. 

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