Divine Experiment

Leading up to the start of the Divine Experiment, I began asking the Lord to point out an area that I could surrender to him. When I felt like he kept bringing up coffee as a possible candidate, I was a little confused. (If your thinking that surrendering coffee to the Lord seems a little strange, then we have something in common.) Initially, I didn't see any disadvantages from my addiction to coffee (minus the expense). Coffee provides me with extra energy when my feet are dragging a little, gives me the attention span to decipher my professors' thick international accents, and acts as a great excuse to hangout with dearly-loved friends. However, when the Lord asked me to examine how often I turn to coffee instead of him for refreshment, I was taken aback. I quickly began to justify each  of the 3-5 cups/day I consume in order to quench my exhaustion.

I'll be honest. I didn't think coffee was something I could give up. Coming up with a million and one excuses to not include this area in my fast, I decided I'd fast from social media and "wait on the Lord" for something else...

Around the start of the second week, a friend asked me how my Divine Experiment was going, I told her everything (including how I had wanted to fast from coffee, but didn't feel strong enough). She really encouraged me to go ahead and try surrendering this area to the Lord and including it in the rest of the fast. So I decided I would cover the idea in prayer and go for it.

Day 1 with no coffee was absolutely horrible...I felt so sluggish the whole day. I wanted so desperately to just grab an iced coffee before class, so I wouldn't have to fight heavy eyelids. However, because of the Lord's grace I was able to resist hopping in line at the on-campus Starbucks to order my routine iced Americano. Now that those few minutes before class are not filled with scrolling through social media OR waiting in line for coffee, that time started to look a little different. I soon realized that in order to have the energy I needed to focus in class or at work I would have to rely solely on the Lord. Constantly reminding myself of this very fact focused my mind on what I was gaining through the Lord, rather than losing through my unattended newsfeed.

While, it didn't get any easier to turn down a delicious Mochalada during the third week, relying on the Lord did. Trust me, I learned that the Lord can provide way more energy than any $4 cup of coffee. By week 3, I truly believe my body switched from thriving off caffeine to being fueled by the joy of the Lord! 

Yes, I have returned to drinking coffee. But, when Day 22 rolled around I didn't jump on the opportunity. I now understand why in the world the Lord was asking me to give up my little "mug of happiness". HE wanted to fill my cup with himself instead. Let me be the one to bring you refreshment and new energy. Let me give you a joy that is overwhelming and long-lasting, not artificial and short-lived. So, while it may sound silly to say that the Lord works through your coffee addiction, I'm not going to deny the Lord's doing when it's right there in front of me.

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Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago.
                                                                                   -Acts 3:19-21 
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LT (Week 7)

This week has been yet another seven days filled with highs and lows...

A couple relationships have really been put on my heart this week. I've become aware of how afraid I am of changing how I interact with certain people. Honestly, I'm afraid to go deeper in complete fear that doing so would be neither received or appreciated. The emotional distance between us has grown farther and farther throughout the years. Hurt works its way to the surface as I'm reminded of exactly how wide that gap is.   My whole being longs to know each of these individuals better. I want so badly for our relationships to be a safe place for one another. Instead I'm met with towering walls too high to allow the vulnerability of the heart to pierce its thickness. In a way, I'm thankful that the Lord has brought this up because I'm reassured that I haven't become apathetic. I'm attempting to rely on the Lord in my grief over what has become of these relationships and trust that in his time there will be healing and understanding.

During project day, we went to Boulder for evangelism. I woke up that morning with absolutely no explanation for how I was feeling. Expecting nervousness, I was surprised by eagerness. When we arrived in Boulder, everyone was put into pairs and sent out. My partner and I walked around for a little while praying for the Lord to put specific people on our heart. Man, did he provide. We had several good conversations with a variety of people from differing backgrounds and religious practices. I think one of the most encouraging conversations was with a man named Doug. Raised in the Presbyterian church, Doug was very familiar with the Christian church. However, when asked why he decided to pursue Atheism instead, the wounds began to surface. He explained how he found Christians incredibly hypocritical and obsessed with the church. My partner and I began to speak truth into the lies he had believed about Christianity. Some kind of seed was definitely planted within those deserted lies as he told us how appreciative he was that we were talking about what following Jesus was really intended to look like. Even though we will most likely never see Doug again, I trust that the Lord is going to continue working on his heart.  

Prayer Requests for Boulder:

• Alexis is a Buddhist who is now studying Christianity. Pray that the Lord would reveal himself to her through her studies. 
• Jordan is an Atheist who just got laid off from his job as a pilot. Pray that he would see the Lord's faithfulness for the first time in his search of a job.  
• Doug is an Atheist who has been hurt by hypocritical Christians and the church. Pray that he would be able to look beyond religion and see the intimacy and truth of Jesus. 
• Rob is a Christian who was laid off from his job a couple of months ago (leaving him homeless) who is travelling to Alaska in search of work. Pray that he would continue to praise the Lord even in his current trials. 

What the Lord has been teaching me this week:
-Nothing I can do out of my own strength will mend a hurting relationship. 
-I do have a heart for evangelism. 
-Even if I don't feel equipped to share, the Lord provides opportunities for me to learn. 

Some Pics from the Week: 

Most of the girls from my project group celebrating Hayley's birthday in town. 

Me, Emily, and Julie at dinner. 

Project day in Boulder. 

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Why Me?

I know I haven't posted in a while, but Christmas break was VERY busy! I was blessed with great time with my family and friends, an awesome first experience at the OneThing Conference, and a fun-filled trip to Estes Park, CO. However, I'm mainly going to be focusing on the OneThing Conference.

For a while now I've been following the 24/7 prayer room at IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City, but had never actually been. I had heard about OneThing (IHOP's winter conference), but for one reason or another I kept making excuses why I couldn't go. This year I decided that it was going to happen!! We got a small group together from our church and all met up there. 

 Recently, I had been feeling absent-minded in worship--like I was just going through the motions. Having experienced this place before, I'm aware of its effects. I knew I didn't want to fall into that again. Prior to the conference, I began praying for God to really stir my heart in worship again and to literally feel his presence. 

So, here's my experience...

Walking into the first worship session of the conference was completely overwhelming. As we were walking to our seats I was able to take in what 20,000+ people worshipping looked like. Scanning the audience, I could see people praying, singing, kneeling, laying, and dancing. Later that night, we came back for the evening worship session. I began praying for my heart to be inviting of his presence. I wanted to be real with myself and God--to genuinely sing praises, not empty words. Here's part of a journal entry I wrote on my experience that night:

"I felt your presence so clearly...I kept getting floods over my stomach...a warm sensation, yet cool at the same time. The waves happened several times...that was the first time I had truly experienced your presence...catching a glimpse of your heart and intentions for worship..."

During that time I also had a picture of my wedding day. I remember seeing myself standing at the end of the aisle preparing to walk to the altar, but I felt completely ashamed. My dress was tattered and torn, leaving my eyes fixed to the floor with feelings of unworthiness flooding over me. As I looked up towards the altar, I saw Jesus. He looked back at me with a radiant smile. He was beaming at the sight of me, even to the point of tears. I couldn't understand it. Why me? What is there to love about me? 

The next morning at the conference I felt extremely anxious. I decided to go down to the prayer room and journal--attempting to process through what was going on. As I began writing I realized I was feeling this way about the picture I had gotten the night before. Why me? What is there to love about me? Frantically flipping through my Bible, I found several verses stating Jesus' love for us. However, none of them answered the question why? 

I still don't fully understand why Jesus chooses to love us, but here are some conclusions I've come to since that day at the conference:

1) Jesus loves me because I was created for him. I was created as his bride. My purpose is being his lover. Just like a marriage, he desires me as a husband does. As the bride, I am pursued and adored by him. 

2) Before Jesus, God could not have a relationship with us because of our sin. His way to get rid of our sin was to send Jesus to die for us. "Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit" (1 Peter 3:18). 

I'm continuing to pray for more understanding of Jesus' love for me, but like I said before, I don't know if I will ever fully be able to comprehend it. His love is said to be boundless, indescribable, and limitless. Just thinking about those words humbles my heart towards him! 

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Wildfire

Take a second and think about what a wildfire actually looks like. I don't mean a precious little campfire in the middle of scenic campgrounds encircled by smores and happiness. I mean the dangerous kind...maybe even fatal. I was reading in Luke 13 this morning when I came across Jesus' description of the kingdom of God.

¹⁸ Then Jesus asked, “What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? ¹⁹ It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds perched in its branches.”

²⁰ Again he asked, “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? ²¹ It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds^[a] of flour until it worked all through the dough.”

Jesus compares the kingdom to a mustard seed, saying it will grow to become a tree. An impossibly small (1-2mm in diameter) seed growing into a tree. Okay, now think about the second comparison: yeast being mixed into 60 pounds of flour until it all eventually becomes dough. I want to point out the fact that yeast is what makes the bread rise (if you didn't know that already). One bushel of wheat yields 60 pounds of flour. ONE bushel. 60 pounds of flour yields about 90 loaves of whole-wheat bread (that's enough to feed about 1080 people). Think about the magnitude of this. All this from a tiny start. When I was trying to comprehend these similes, a thought kept crossing my mind. A wildfire. 

The kingdom of God is like a wildfire. 

I asked you earlier to picture what you thought a wildfire looked like. Bring back that image. A dangerous, consuming, overbearing, uncontainable fire. The brush and trees don't have anyway to escape. They can't help but be transformed into something completely different at the mercy of this raging fire. What about the fire? Does it have anyway of holding back? What would this look like if this was God's kingdom, if every single person were consumed by the fire? The kingdom couldn't help but be transformed by this infectious desire for our Lover. The fire couldn't contain the Holy Spirit that ignited it in the first place. This is what I want. I want to be the spark that starts the infection. I challenge you to pray this over your community--that you can be the fire spreading, transforming the kingdom of God. 

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