LT (Week 2)

I'm exhausted. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Who knew housekeeping could be so tiring? This is definitely a little bit different experience then running around with middle-school aged campers all day during the summer. However, I think I'm finally starting to adjust a little. 

We got to meet our project groups this week!! We've already had some pretty fun times together. I'm really looking forward to seeing where God takes our friendships this summer. 

As far as my week goes spiritually though...it has been pretty rough. 

Thursday I went hiking with a couple of friends in Rocky Mountain National Park. Once we got to the summit of the mountain, we spread out and had some time alone. After a while we got together and spent some time praying over our summers and soaking in God's beautiful creation before us. As we were praying, I got this picture: there was a really wide, long tunnel and the scene that was in front of us (the mountains) was painted like a moral around the tunnel (top, bottom, and sides). As soon as I got to the entrance, I started going through the tunnel. I went faster and faster as the tunnel grew tighter and darker. Finally, at the end in complete darkness, there was a radiant heart just sitting there. I’m not sure what this means. What I got from it was God saying, “you think the mountains are beautiful, but YOU are my magnificent creation. No mountain could surpass how beautifully I have created you.” 

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

In this moment, I was in complete awe of God. For some reason I felt safe in the mountain. In order to hike up a mountain, one might experience pain, fear, and lack of security mixed with excitement, adrenaline, and awe. In a way, it was like the Lord was telling me that there was safety in the trials I'm going through no matter how unsure I feel in the moment. 

Later that day a couple situations sparked feelings of bitterness, pride, and even inadequacy (I know that's quite the range of emotions). It seemed that other situations only confirmed the feelings. At first the lies came quietly, but by the time I sat down in the LT worship service that night, I was at my lowest. I can honestly say, I've never felt as broken as I have that night. It was like I was backed into a corner, tied down, and beaten with lie after lie. In this moment, for the first time I experienced what it is like to be completely desperate for the Lord. I've never felt so weak in my life. Through this experience the Lord showed me a glimpse of what it means to be poor in spirit. As a result, I feel incredibly humbled in the Lord's presence. Yes, the junk I'm going through right now hurts, but I'm experiencing growing pains just like a child. 

Things the Lord has been teaching me this week: 

-poverty of spirit

-what it means to be desperate for him

-humility 

Some Pics from the Week: 

My project group's human pyramid for 
the photo scavenger hunt. 

Our awkward family photo. 

Nathan, Kyle, and I hiking Deer Mountain. 

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LT (Week 1)

My summer in Estes Park, CO has officially begun. My dad and I drove to Denver on Tuesday. He flew out Wednesday morning, and I made my way to Estes. I definitely forgot how scared I was of driving in the mountains, but thank the Lord, I made it safely. Once at the Y, I got everything situated in my room. As I put the last of my stuff up, it hit me--I'm at LT!!! This is an opportunity I started praying about a year ago, and now I'm sitting in the middle of the floor in a staff dorm room at the Y. How did I even get to this place? 

This past spring semester was pretty difficult with God. I don't even know what type of "season" you could call it. The only thing that comes to mind is "crappy". As I continued to pursue the Lord through spending time with him, worship, and prayer, it seemed like he was gone--completely absent. After what I thought was pouring my heart out to him (more like forcing myself to spend time with him) and receiving nothing in return, I became weak. I had nothing left to give, and honestly, I was tired of trying. As a result, bitterness began to creep its way into my thoughts towards him. I had never even dealt with depression or loneliness before this semester, but both became pretty familiar and reoccurring feelings. When I would feel depressed or alone, all I wanted was to cry out to God, but my heart kept telling me he wouldn't be there. My trust in God dwindled severely over these past couple of months, and of course the devil jumped at this opportunity. As soon as I would even start feeling down, my thoughts would snowball, putting me right back into that place of depression and complete vulnerability to the lies the enemy was so ready to feed me.

However, I started forcing myself to seek out truths about who God is and how he views me. Through this, the Lord has revealed several things about this semester and even this summer. Thankfully he's shown me that this is an area I've been blind to for a while now. I've been hiding behind a half-hearted commitment. As soon as one of these truths is tested, I find myself standing on wobbly knees and a weak foundation. I'm beginning to see that God is definitely teaching me something in this season. I'm sure there will be more on that later...

Some things the Lord has been teaching me this week: 

-Joy can be found in difficult work. 

-He desires to pour his Spirit on me in dry seasons. (Isaiah 44)

-He wants to help me grow in my weak areas if I will just ask him. 

Photo of the week: 

Welcome to the YMCA of the Rockies! 

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LT (Day 1)

Thank you so much for your support and prayers for this summer. I can't wait to see what adventures the Lord takes me on in these next 3 months in Estes Park, CO. In order to keep you informed, I will attempt to keep this blog  updated weekly with all the happenings in my life at the YMCA of the Rockies. I look forward to a challenging, yet fruitful summer. God has already been extremely faithful in even getting me here to spend a whole summer with Him! 

Here's my address for the summer:
Estes Park Center, YMCA of the Rockies
Jordan Miller--Staff
P.O. Box 20700
Estes Park, CO 80511

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